Sunday, January 28, 2007

Anxiety :(

I suffer from anxiety and take a form of medication called Lexpro to try and controll it! Same days are great for me and others are not. Today has not been a good day! I woke up last night at 3am in the morning feeling sick, with a headache, and feeling of sadnes etc. I thought I might have the flu. I was tired so I slept on the lounge watching a movie until I fell asleep. All of today I was unable to do alot. I feel down, unwell and can't breathe! I watched a couple of movies and scrapbooked a little. Neil made me tea, etc. I get really upset with my self when I feel like this! I get scared thinking I might be heading backwards, back into the land of depression. As I was in the shower just before it occured to me that I have go see my lawyer tommorrow. Then it clicked all of this anxiety, stress is due to that!! Sometimes seeing my ex and ALWALYS when I have go see the lawyer does this to me. It brings back so much emotional pain!
On Australia day Andrew my ex was meant to collect the kids at 10pm that night. Neil made him collect them the next day instead as he didn't want me worrying all day on Owen's birthday!! I asked him why>? He said that if I knew Andrew was coming I would be stressing the whole day. Nearly every single time he comes I start to panic and get angry and upset. Neil noticed this not me. It's funny how much others pick up on things that we aren't aware of!
So right now I feel abit better knowing that the lawyer is making me anxious and not nothing! My lawyer is in the city. Tommorrow I will see the lawyer but I will also try and do something nice while in the city. Like go buy myself a book, have a yummy chocolate drink, and maybe bring some nice flowers home.