Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Brain Dump

Take out some pieces of paper or a notebook and your favorite pen and just start writing. Try writing for 15 minutes straight in a non-stop stream of consciousness. Don't waste energy by censoring or editing anything, but just let words and ideas -- no matter how strange or dull -- flow onto paper. You might be surprised by what you find has been lurking in your subconscious mind. But don't be judgmental or critical of your writing, it's supposed to be a soothing, and purging experience, not a Pulitzer Prize entry.

I have been feeling a little weird the last couple of days. I find sometimes that I get stuck mentally. Like I don't know who I am and what I am doing. Or even if I do, I find it phyically and emotionally hard to do the most simple tasks. Then I feel like hiding from the world in my safe haven...... my home. I think I might be pre-hormonal, grrrrrr! Well I hope so at least that way I will have an excuse. I just feel like so much is riding on my shoulders. Studying a degree, looking after my boys, wanting to lose weight, and start a new career so that I can invest $$$ for my future! Man at the moment I can even get motivated to go for a walk around the block!!!! I have no idea how I will manage to do the rest of it! But I need to and that is the problem! I was thinking about paying $$$$ to see a psychologist to try and get me motivated, get my life sorted out, have someone to talk to and someone who I could be accountable to!
Today I tried to keep myself busy!!! If I stop I fall prey to anxiety! Which for me is constant feelings of guilt (about everything) and chest tightening! (which is really horrible). I feel I suffer from anxiety worse now then before and I don't know why>? That worries me!
My coping strategie for anxiety is this;
'I think to myself what would make me less anxious>?' and 'what would make me really happy right now'?
Usually my responses are these (it's all psychological) but; 'A clean and orderly house'. 'To be by myself'. 'For it to be quiet'. 'Take a bath'. 'Watch a DVD'. 'Listen to calm music'. 'To think about the good things about me and my life'.

That's my Brain Dump so what's yours>?